THE HUNT FOR LITTLE RED IN OCTOBER
Before I begin: A note to my readers…
This blog is rather personal and it is about a girl named Arlene Phyllis Hogan who changed my life. She was, and I guess is, the love of my life. I met her at age 14 in school. We spend a school year getting to know each other, lost touch over the summer break, but then a friend of me handed me a note with a phone number on it the first week of school, saying it was from some girl who knew me and wanted me to call. I called and was surprised to find out it was the red-headed friend of another girl that had liked me that previous year we all went to Alex G. Barret Middle School together.
I believe in destiny. I cannot deny she was drawn to contact me for a reason. She should have went on with her high school years and forgot about me, but she didn’t. There was something that inspired her to call my old friend Sammy Murphy and give him her number for me to call. How she ever remembered his name I’ll never know. I think she must have liked me a lot before I ever knew it.
We spoke on the phone a lot and one day the suggestion came up, her’s or mine I don’t remember, but we were gonna see each other again and I said I could ride my 10-speed over to her house for a visit. I met her mom and her sister Linda. Her mother was a red head like my mom too. We spent an afternoon sitting the front porch swing flipping through the pages of our yearbook and reminiscing about all the characters and personalities we had gone to school with. I have to admit that I’d had no thoughts about her as I had been kinda seeing another girl, but that having ended and with no commitments I found my heart attracted to Phyllis and I know the feeling was mutual. We fell in love.
We saw a lot of each other that fall of 1978. She’d taken on an after school job a small ice cream parlor own by Grover and Geneva Davis. We used to call Mrs. Davis “Old 95” cause she had this amusing habit of throwing her head back to look through her glasses that were down on her nose to see the buttons on the cash register and ring “Ninetyyyy-five”, the price of a Buddy Bar or something. lol How coincidental that Geneva passed away at age 95. See her obituary.
To make a long story short, my mother remarried and decided we would all move to Florida and after 14 months of dating and becoming secretly engaged with a “engagement bracelet” (I guess it was like a promise bracelet) Phyllis and I were forced apart. If I hadn’t been such a well-trained “good boy” I would have lied and told my mom that Phyllis was pregnant with my child and we can’t move and we could have been married and while a deception it would have accomplished the salvation of the only love of my life that left me for another when she claims she didn’t think I was being true to her and she dumped me and when she would not take me back I lost my will to live and suicided. Two weeks later after getting out of the hospital and her mom and my mom talking about what Phyllis’s actions had caused she knew how serious I was and loved her and there was no other and she agreed to take me back. My mother arranged a trip at holiday time that December and she helped me finance an engagement ring that I had in my pocket to give to Phyllis at the perfect moment.
That perfect moment didn’t happen. I thought it was going to happen when her mother ran an errand to the store real quick and I though now was that moment to present her with the ring. She asked me to come upstairs to her bedroom. She went in and flopped on the bed as I stood in the doorway ready to present her with the ring (that I still have), but I was stopped dead in my tracks when she opened her mouth before I could and said something that ruined everything. I’m not gonna repeat it here because it was too private and too heartbreaking for me, but what she asked me broke my heart all over again. Well, time rolls on and heals all wounds they say. When you love someone the forgiveness never ends, until the day they cause you not to love them anymore. Well, a broken heart doesn’t mean you don’t love someone anymore. It means just the opposite. I’ve never stopped loving the one girl that was meant for me that was to have my children that never got the chance to be born. That’s okay though. She married the wrong man, a horribly abusive man and she is afraid he will murder her if she tries to leave him, so out of fear she has stayed with him all these years.
My heart healed in the year that followed that disappointing December when I didn’t give her the ring, but that ring was still hot in my pocket and I carried it with me for the purpose of trying again when I moved back to Kentucky at age 18 with plans to marry her. Little did I know she had already up and married Patrick Hickey, a guy she hardly knew and definitely didn’t love, and never has loved, and she’s paid a heavy price for it. Now her rock, her mother is deceased and she has nobody to talk to so she just plays the role of wife with her abuser and honors her wedding vow “till death do us part. I just hope it’s his death and not her death and that I get to see her again this side heaven.
SO, THAT’S THE CONDENSED VERSION OF THE GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD – Now for the personal part….
Phyllis, I mailed your birthday card today 19 October 2020. The card is a mess. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it and the pen wouldn’t write on the shiny card surface so I switched to a red permanent marker…ugh. There was hardly room to write pleasant and cohesive thoughts and well wishes so I hope that first birthday card in over 30 years will not frighten you like it’s from crazed stalker lol. I just love you and I always have and there’s not been a year go by that I didn’t remember your birthday with joy and tears of what should have been.
I hope the card gets there before or on the 23rd. I hope Patrick doesn’t see it and get nosey demanding to know who it’s from and throw a fit. In my heart I cannot apologize for this action that could cause you some trouble with him. I don’t want you to suffer any consequences, but you’ve left me no other way to make contact. Joan was b*tch to me on Ancestry.com when we exchanged messages. You’ve made the best of your mistake by staying married to an abusive man you should have never married and that makes me proud of you because I know if it would have been me you married I’d have a faithful and true love for life. I think I still do, but you are just in a horrible situation that I’m probably making worse and for that I do apologize. You married the wrong man. You deprived us both of the children we were supposed to have, the ones G-d had for us. I still have the ungodly expensive engagement ring I never gave to you the day you broke my heart at your mother’s house when you tried to entice me to have sex before marriage. I had it in my pocket that day and my mother was expecting to gather me up that day after our visit and hear the good news, but instead you crushed me by not honoring the sacredness of marriage. Well, see what you got yourself into? I’m not blaming or shaming. I’m just saying what you already know. We would have had a beautiful life… My grandmother was agreeable to let us build a home on her 20 acres down by the lake and eventually you would have owned and drove you own car to work at Prospect Jewelers. We were young, yes, but we were in love and right for each other. I don’t know if you’ll ever humble yourself to tell me all the issues you had going on that made you up and marry that abusive controlling asshole who’s made your life a living nightmare. I know you are scared he’ll try to kill you if you leave him so I know all you can do is honor the vow you took, “till death do us part”, but I hope it will be his death and not your own that will gain you freedom from the prison you created. If you haven’t watched it already, get a DVD set of the Outlander series and watch it and I know you’ll realize why I’m so attached to this series with Jamie and Claire. In my heart it’s like you and I in another lifetime. It’s been the inspiration for my life story/novel combination where I place you and I in the civil war era via reincarnation, and also have our present day lives with the one exception that you married me instead of Patrick. I’ve never loved another. I still love you. I always will. In my heart I imagine you feel the same and all it would take is one look into each other’s eyes to confirm it that our love never died, but just got put on hold while you went on a bad detour. We will probably have to wait to see each other on the other side because I believe very much so that the Son of G-d is set to return to this earth next year. I hope you will read my website and learn what you need to do to gain salvation. I’ll write it all out for you on this page later as I make updates. I want to see you in heaven. These years of separation from the only girl I ever loved have not been the happiest and an eternity without you I can’t imagine. So, happy 56th birthday and I hope to hear from you….
TO BE CONTINUED…. Sometime after the 23’rd of October 2020
UPDATE: 23/10/2020 4:25pm pst – Well, it’s not after the 23’rd of October her in California, but it is in Australia! lol Do I get credit? lol
I’ve put the Shabbes bread in the oven that’s been rising all afternoon. I fed a sourdough starter all week long, even took it outside onto the porch to gather some nature wild desert yeast for that local flavor. I’ve heard the natural yeast in the air in San Francisco makes the best sourdough bread in the world. I’m making two loaves of cinnamon-raisin bread for a friend (I don’t eat gluten because it causes arthritis), and I made one loaf of buckwheat bread. I purchase the whole buckwheat and turn it into flour in seconds in the NutraBullet. A little yeast, water and dash of sugar and salt and it makes the best non-gluten bread. BTW, don’t let the name “Buckwheat” fool you. I have no idea why they named it Buckwheat because it is no from the wheat family and has no gluten in it. Oh! The rabbit holes of story telling I go down sometimes! lol
Phyllis, I wanted to say Happy Birthday on your birthday today. I hope my card got to you without Patricks notice and no problems were caused. It’s not my desire to cause any trouble for you or Patrick. I may not like the fact that he is with you and your marriage to him was the biggest mistake of your life in some ways, but G-d made it happen because you had to learn a lesson. I don’t say that with a mean spirit, but everything that happens in our lives G-d is behind as a teaching tool to help us elevate our souls. You made a vow before G-d with Patrick and I support that vow. No matter how I feel, Patrick is your husband before G-d and it is my duty to respect that marriage even though my feelings are that I should have been your husband and we should be living happily ever after with grandchildren by now, a daughter named Jewel after your Father, a son named David after my Father, and who knows how many more G-d would have blessed us with. I know you said you had some medical issue that prevented you from having children, but you know what I believe about that? I believe G-d shut up your womb because you married the wrong man and having children with such an abusive man would have only been a horrible situation for you and the children, BUT, if you had children your protective motherly instinct may have given you the courage to leave Patrick to prevent the children from being abused the way Patrick has abused you over the years. He will pay for his sins on day.
Speaking of Patrick paying for his sins…. Someone else already paid for his sins and if you and I are to never meet again before our Savior returns I hold no ill will against Patrick and I would like both him and you to be saved.
You know how to pray and give your heart to G-d through Messiah Yeshua. That’s a simple task. Just a prayer to ask for forgiveness for all your sins known and unknown and ask Him to come into your heart and be your teacher and Savior. Then according to ACTS 2:38 you must be baptised in the Name of Yeshua for the remission of sins and this is when the Holy Spirit will come to dwell inside of you to lead and guide you into all truths. Yeshua made it so easy for us, for you, for Patrick. If I never see you this side of Heaven again then I do want to see you in Heaven at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb even if Patrick is there too. lol Bible says that in Heaven we are known as we are known, but we are no longer married in Heaven like we were on earth. We have a whole new understand once released from the physical bonds of mortality on this earth.
In the event though that G-d should take Patrick before the rapture happens then I’d like you to consider raising grandchildren with me. We are old enough now to be grandparents. I was born when my grandmother was 50 and she was more like a mother to me than my mom ever was. There is still that little glimmer of hope. There are so many unfortunate children with no mother or father just dying of loneliness in orphanages all over this world who would be so happy to have loving parents
Well, anyway… I hope you got my card and it did not upset you, but I hope it made your heart feel good to know that I still love you and have your best interest at heart no matter what road your life has taken or will take in the future. If love someone set them free. If they return to you they are yours. If they don’t they never were yours…
I will write more of my thoughts to you here in time. This page is going to become a journal of my thoughts about you and us and what happened that forever changed both our lives “for better or for worse”…