A Case of Mistaken Identity and Roadmap for Recovery

Last Update:  24 May 2019  ~ Saved to 24 May 2019

Hello! I’m Josef Kirchner, a physically recovered male to female transsexual now living naturally as a male again. I lived as a female for nearly 20 years of my life, and 15 years later I am still amazed what a slow recovery process it is psychically.  Recovering from the physical transition is the easy part. You cannot be a genuinely recovered individual without a proper understanding of what causes gender dysphoria in an individual.  My research will be a life-long project I’m sure.

Though the topic of transsexual recovery has been floated about by quite a few who wish to pull the mask off of the transsexual misconception, many still lack important knowledge on this issue.  This is what makes real recovery difficult, if not impossible, for some people.  I’ve heard countless stories of transsexuals/crossdressers/transvestites who purge their female clothing only to return to living as men only to relapse to the mud like a pig. Such is the cycle of addiction without the true tools for recovery.  Transgenderism is a mental illness that should be treated like an addiction.

The response of the transgender community to any individual claiming recovery is that person was never really transsexual at all and that is because most transgenders have bought into the ridiculous concept that something called a true transsexual actually exists. The concept of “true transsexual” is part of the mental illness.  All you have to do is believe you are Napoleon Bonaparte and magically you are! The transgender movement creates terms like “transgender woman” when the fact is the person is a transgender male who imagines themself to be a female whether or not they have had hormonal or surgical treatments.

I began this website in 2004 when there weren’t many recovery resources for transsexual regretters. I try to be a voice for the voiceless–transsexual regretters that commited suicide, and those regretters who live in the shadows afraid to speak out for fear of reprisals from the violent trans community. Just last year in 2018 another person I knew who was trans died of suicide and it makes me sad that I wasn’t able to prevent their death.

In this article I’ll try to answer questions like, Why do men try to live as females? Why do some male to female transsexuals detransition to live naturally again only to step back into the pile of shit, relapse, and retransition to living as a freak again? The misguided trans community hails men who retransition as proof that transsexuality is a real phenomenon, but in reality it’s merely a sign of addiction like alcoholism. It’s not proof someone is a real transsexual, it’s only proof of a psychological addiction, i.e., mental illness.

How many more mother’s are going to weap many nights over the death of her son because he became a victim of the transgender movement that doesn’t care who has to die so these deluded men can dress up and masquerade as women, change their bodies with cross sex hormones, permanently mutilating surgeries, and try to lure heterosexual men into gay sex with their surgically disguised male genitals?

Not all transsexuals, but I will say *most*, are very dangerous mentally disturbed people luring your son’s down a road to suicide by encouraging the idea that chopping off body parts will cure a mental illness that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) defines as a mental disorder called Gender Dysphoria.  When transsexuals realize too late that chopping off body parts will NOT cure their mental illness, they never become women, and will never be respected as such. This is when they really go off the deep end mentally and it’s probably only a matter of time before you see a news story where an angry transsexual has committed suicide, shot up a school full of children, or gone postal at their place of employment, unless of course they are not employed as most transsexuals are prostitutes.

The more legitimacy that is given to these mentally ill people by allowing them to be visible to the public in employment, the more young impressionable minds are going to recruited by these ill individuals leading your children to their deaths. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  Correctly treating the gender dysphoric will save more lives than the current incorrect treatment by allowing them to live openly and to transition.

It seems the trend is that the most dangerous mentally ill people are now free to roam the streets and buy guns to kill innocent people.  Like many other’s with a mental illness who are a danger to themselves and others, wouldn’t it be the compassionate and right thing to do to hospitalize the gender dysphoric until they receive the basic proper treatments to recover from their mental illness?  The world medical establishment has not yet understood the true nature of Gender Dysphoria so how can they treat it properly?  They think the correct treatment is to amputate body parts and supply the patient with fake body parts to placate their mentally ill obsession with living as the opposite sex. Suicide statistics don’t prove this treatment to be successful enough to make it standard practice.

The epidemic is going to continue unless good people take a stand to try to help these mentally ill people before they hurt themselves or others. All it takes for evil to take over is for good people to stand by and do nothing while evil triumphs.  One of the most monstrous things that transgender community is perpetrating upon innocent victims now is the trans kids movement.  They’ve created a circus freak side show reality program on the TLC cable channel called, “I am Jazz” showcasing transsexual child actor Jazz Jennings, the parents, the grandparents, and other gender confused kids taking thousands of viewers down the depressing and destructive path of transgenderism. First and foremost the parents are to blame cause they have committed child abuse by never getting their toddler the help it needed, but instead only further exacerbated the kid’s gender confusion by allowing him to dress up as female, take female hormones, and now having his normal male genitalia forever mutilated beyond repair.  You’d think from the family Hindu-Jewish background that they’d have some understanding how their son’s past reincarnation dysphoria relates to his present life and how to fix it. From a trusted inside source I know Jazz secretly (away from the camera’s), already has had regrets about transition and now the botched surgery to his penis has only made things worse. The worse is yet to come because eventually the transformation honeymoon will come to a bitter end and Jazz is going to realize like every transsexual does that even after all the hormones and surgery they are deeply unhappy because down deep inside they realize they are simply a male masquerading as a female.  I truly hope the best for the recovery of “Jazz”, but this boy never had a chance with such abusive parents.  All is not lost.  While there is life there is hope. Like “Jazz”, I had lived more of my life “as female” than male before detransition, and I was worried because my only role model to for my return back to male was female to male transgenders.  I told myself, “If testosterone can work miracles for them then it can for me too”.  I just took a leap of faith with no real roadmap and I turned out looking just fine as a guy. 

How do we have a compassionate conversation about combating a mental illness suffered by an exploding population of effeminate gay men that masquerades as a lifestyle choice called transsexuality? Why can’t these gay guys just be happy being gay without chopping off body parts? How does the gay community and the heterosexual community speak to this epidemic without dehumanizing or hating those whom the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines as suffering from the mental illness of Gender Dysphoria? (For the purpose of this article I am addressing male to female transsexuality only)

If you are the parent of a son who is living the transsexual lifestyle or there is any loved one in your life struggling with this mental illness I hope you will continue to read these words from someone who no longer lives the transsexual lifestyle and has recovered as much that is physically possible.

The “Jazz Jennings” transgender story is a perfect lead-in for the true cause of gender dysphoria and it’s proper treatment. If you don’t believe in reincarnation please still just hear me out and I think you will understand.  Almost every male who identifies as transsexual and wants to transition or is already attempting to live as female will tell you that their earliest memories are plagued with gender confusion and feelings they can’t seem to shake that they should have been born a girl.  Why is this the common theme in most transgender histories?

Starting from the age they can talk, young children are the absolute best at having memories of their past lives. These memories seem to begin to dissolve as the child reaches age 10.  When we are born into this world our souls are fresh from the dimension of souls where we were reunited with loved ones in our soul network from many previous lives. We have one soul, but many lives so it is very possible that some children can recall memories from several past lives, while others may just remember their most recent past life.  Case in point, the male to female transsexual was in a female body the last go-round and this time that soul was deposited into a male body for soul growth purposes, not for ridiculous attempts to change their body to that of the opposite sex. Knowing that secret is key to understanding and healing gender dysphoria.  Some boys do a better job of hiding their femininity.  They may never act on those feelings and may become closet homosexuals while others decide they are gay at an early age in our modern society.  Those most affected by femininity will nowadays pursue transgenderism to sooth their dysphoria. They simply suffer from feelings too strong that they don’t properly understand to be able to continue living life as an effeminate gay boy. Then the classic response is suicide or hormones.

When the transsexual says they really believe themselves to be a woman trapped in the body of a male they are telling you how they feel, but feelings are not facts. Feelings are often misread and confusing.  We are only now entering an age of spirituality on this planet where we can understand the true nature of the problem plaguing the person identifying as transsexual and there is a simple and beautiful cure that doesn’t involve cross-sex hormones, mutilation, chopping off body parts, or adding fake parts. 

The sad truth is that man has stuck his dirty little fingers into all the holy books of this world that claim to tell us about God and the spirit world and should we have a better version of the true spiritual nature of our existence then this whole transgender movement wouldn’t be the thing it is with thousands of suicides each year.  The Judeo-Christian religion has done a great disservice to the LGBT community by demonizing behaviors they didn’t understand and the latter church father’s further muddied the waters by removing references to reincarnation from the Christian bible.

Dr. Ian Stevenson documented thousands of cases of children who had reincarnation memories.  The focus of his research was to find where reincarnation and biology intersect.  Specifically he only researched cases where there were birth marks or other physiological manifestations that connected to child to the previous lifetime. An example pertinent to this discussion would be the rare case when we think it is simply nature alone that causes a child to be born with intersexed chromosomes that may or may not lead to intersexed reproductive organs. 

The Trevor Project  for suicide prevention compiles suicide statistics among homosexual and transgender people in the United States of America and documents many thousands of suicides per year. What’s happening is wrong and the trans community is going to keep wringing their hands and no, it’s not going to get better until the real issues are faced with courage, compassion, and unconditional love.

Is Gender Dysphoria real or just a made up term to give legitimacy to a movement? What is the evidence that people identifying as transsexual are suffering from mental illness? There are thousands of recovered individuals alive today that are survivors of the transgender lifestyle. Sadly, there are many more who didn’t survive and their deaths are a great tragedy. Oh, and while we are on that subject let me make the comment about the trannies who play the suicide card to force the hand of the therapist to write prescription so the tranny will get the estrogen pills or shots they demand. Yep, still happens all the time, much less now that estrogen is easily available without a prescription over the Internet. The therapists eyes just light up with dollar signs when a suicidal tranny walks in the office.

“Gender Dysphoria” (gender confusion) is an umbrella term for those suffering from a multitude of real mental disorders like borderline personality disorder, emotional disorder, narcissistic disorder, multiple personality disorder, dissociative identity disorder, and the list goes on. How do we get through to these people and help them from making the terrible mistake of committing irreversible genital mutilation that they may only regret years later once they’ve eventually got woke, uncovering the true origins of their mental illness?  Why not explore the real causes of this phenomenon instead of only going forward with imagined gender affirmation treatments the mentally ill patient demands?

As of yet there are no real gatekeepers to protect the mentally ill from getting hormones and transsexual related surgeries that are treated as elective surgeries. One can have facial feminization surgery or a boob job without mental health releases. Well, what in the hell are you gonna do when someone has gotten that far, deny them a genital remodel? Places like Thailand and India are famous destinations for men who look like stone cold masculine men in a dress who want to have their penis surgically remodeled into what looks and functions like a vagina and it’s inexpensive! Why should we care about these people at all?

What is the real cause(s) of Gender Dysphoria? Regrettably, no transsexual gene has been found yet, but the idea of issues with the differentiation of a fetus in the womb from the female default has entertained some thought. Practically every so-called “true transsexual” I have have spoken to will tell you they feel they have the soul of a woman or they feel they are female at the core of their being. It’s important to take note that the majority of people who call themselves transsexuals would not fall under the heading of true transsexual, but I would call them transgenderists. There are many reasons why different folks enter this lifestyle like autogynephilia, childhood trauma, and even a drag queen or crossdresser who took things too far because of being misguided by the militant transsexual movement.

When the so-called true transsexual makes reference to having the “soul of a woman” you cannot have a conversation about soul without having a conversation about reincarnation. May I ask that you watch a video from 2013 of a woman named Jenny Cockell who as a young girl remembered her most recent past life and actually searched out her living children from her past life and they became fully convinced Jenny was indeed their mother reincarnated. You can skip the video if you like, but I request those who don’t believe in reincarnation to watch it because it makes a very convincing case. View at your leisure

I hope you watched the video of Jenny Cockell’s story. While I have studied many case histories of reincarnation, Jenny’s story is the one I use to introduce people into the idea of believing reincarnation and the reason is simply because the living children of her previous reincarnation are fully convinced she is their reincarnated mother. Because gender dysphoria is a reincarnation symptom, in most cases going through with a sexchange will prove to be disastrous for most who attempt it. According to the tenets of reincarnation, one is NOT to pick up a thread from a past life. Self identified trannies are unaware of how reincarnation works and are therefore totally oblivious to why they feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body. As a result, trannies make their lives worse by transitioning. Once the honeymoon phase of body modification is over they have to come to terms that they really just men who messed up their lives by transitioning. Men who could have lead satisfying lives as gay men, or if so desired could have been bisexual, married children and had wonderful families that way. Family is at the core of being human and there are no real substitutes for family.  Blood is thicker than water.

It is documented that past life memories are most abundant and clear during early childhood so is it any wonder that boys will exhibit cross-gender behaviors if their last life was that of a woman, or even if Karma had them repeat the life of a gay male who had been female in the lifetime previous to that? Karma will not be denied. Of course there are many who also enter the LGBT lifestyle through present life trauma and experimentation.  My belief does not need to be yours, but I believe it provides the most logical explanation for the dysphoria experienced by those who mistakenly call themselves trannsexual. This is why I call transsexuality a case of mistaken identity. Your past life identity is not meant to be your identity for your present life no matter how strongly you mistakenly feel you have the soul of a woman. Souls have no gender, but memories are attached to them.

If the trans phenomenon is a symptom of people dealing with their previous reincarnation then what advice do we give to those people?  Look, lets be clear. While there are many people that will take the live and let live attitude and support your right to live anyway you want, the fact remains that turning yourself into an obvious target for haters and putting your life in danger is not a great idea.  The fact remains that you are changing a normal body into a circus sideshow attraction and no amount of activism or acceptance is gonna mean shit when someone you care about gets murdered or commits suicide because of their transgender status. A life lost. Why? Why not work through your dysphoric issues and learn to love and accept the body you agreed to for a reason in this lifetime without turning yourself into a freak show?

Once upon a time I was touted as one of the top 10 transsexual women successes in the world, but that was before I created this website in 2003 and was forever after labeled a transsexual traitor/regretter. How the hell did such a successful 20-year post-operative transition go down the tubes?

My transition from male to female began at age 17 after a suicide attempt that landed me in the psychiatric ward. I took the next 7 years to wade through the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care trying to make sure sexchange surgery was the right thing for me. At age 24 I journeyed from my home in London to Brussels, Belgium where I had what used to be called sexchange surgery, now referred to as “gender confirmation surgery”. By all post operative evidence I was a shining example of a “true transsexual” even having post-operatively married a man who didn’t know my transsexual secret. So, what went wrong with such a seemingly successful transition?

August 1997

Before I get into all the particulars that seem to have me at odds with the gender conflicted community, and the unethical medical professionals that support them, I want to say a few compassionate things about those who consider themselves transsexuals. I believe those living through the nightmare of a so-called gender identity disorder should be treated with respect, but doesn’t mean to baby them.  I’m not against them being helped. They should not be denied the help they need, but they need the right help with a good dose of tough love. If you don’t feel respected because I won’t use female pronouns then too bad. I’m here to respect the real human being beneath the transsexual role playing.  You will be respected as the person you really are, not your imagined persona.  I pushed the trans narrative for too many years and I won’t be bullied into playing that game anymore.

Here begins the part where I get labeled anti-transsexual however because I don’t believe these wrongly diagnosed individuals are getting the right help they need and they are going to end up sadly regretting their decision when they realize after all is said and done they are living a masquerade everyday for the rest of their lives. When they realize they never were a woman, and never will be with no amount of surgery.  Zoey Tur comes to mind.

Sadly, the trans movement promotes the idea that their suffering has already been long enough and they demand the quick fix asserting their own real life experience trumps whatever the medical community has to say about them being deluded. Perhaps enough doctors are up to speed today, but in my day obtaining estrogen from a doctor and talking about gender dysphoria were things that allowed the patient to call the shots because most doctors didn’t know shit about transsexuality yet.  Since there are few ethical physicians left who haven’t sold their soul most new trannies will tell you that within only 2 or 3 sessions with a psychologist they get recommended for hormones. It’s still a man’s world.

The pro-trans movement doesn’t want a single trans person to explore the idea that they may be rejecting their male birth sex due to psychological reasons related to their environment and poor parenting. They fear psychological reparative therapy more than a fire fears water. For psychological reparative therapy to really be worth it’s salt the spiritual element must enter the picture and reincarnation must become accepted as a given in the human experience.  Transgenderism is not a correct response to dealing with past reincarnation issues. I want 100% of people struggling with gender issues to have a happy ending and not regret the normal and good life they could have had if they had only gotten the right help. There is no surgery that can ever bring back your penis once it’s been mutilated and you cannot resurrect the dead after someone commits suicide like too many I’ve known who were not brave enough to transition back to male after realizing their folly.  It is documented that the suicide rate among transsexuals is close to 60% including all documented reports and allowing for those that never get hospitalized, but admit to having made an attempt.  Why not avoid suicides and mutilations by addressing the real problems instead of the imaginary problem?

The militant pro-transsexual movement would like to brush me off and refer to my experience as a mere cautionary tale. I’ve even seen such ridiculous things written on the Internet that they say I am but 1 of 5 transsexual regretters world-wide!  See how transsexuals lie and don’t play fair? Five fearless well-known public figures does not account for the thousands world-wide that are slow to come out of the shadow of shame. Thousands of others no longer have a voice because they committed suicide and the transsexual community does not care about that and just want to shut down the conversation on transsexual suicides.

Some say things to delegitimize me like I was never truly a transsexual at all because I wasn’t a normal XY chromosomal man with a mental illness, as transsexualism is defined. Some trans folk disagree with the “normal XY transsexual” theorist camp saying that transsexualism is an intersex condition of the brain due to improper brain development from the fetal default of female to male in the 6-8 week differentiation period of the fetus. As for the camp that believes there to be differences in the brain of the transsexual, we will never really know unless identical twins who both identify as transsexual before any hormonal therapy will submit to one twin sacrificing his life so his brain can be used as a control method against his twin’s brain after hormonal therapy. I don’t think that will be happening anytime soon, but who knows maybe some identical male twins who identify as trans will be in a serious auto accident where one twin dies and the other lives and the brain of the dead one can be studied against the living one who later transitions? What is the chance of this happening?

During my 7 years of preoperative Harry Benjamin Standards of Care therapy for the transsexual patient it was never once suggested to seek any organic reason for my gender dysphoria like taking a simple blood test to check my chromosomes. Gender Identity Disorder is defined as a mental disorder, not a biological/physical disorder, and the only approved treatment is to facilitate quick access to physical transformation or else you are risking suicide of the patient. The trannies know this and basically blackmail the therapy community to get their approval for hormones and other services. If any real therapist tries to actually help the patient they can be accused of reparative therapy and are at risk of losing their license.

The trans community rejects therapists who want go in-depth questioning the possibility that their gender confusion could be cured and permanent life-changing surgeries could be avoided. Such a medically ethical approach could cost pro-trans therapists a paying client. So, therapists cave to suicidal blackmail and only offer Gender Confirmation Services that in no way challenge their mental disorder. Physicians know that transsexuals can order estrogen pills online with no gatekeepers so they try to retain clients by only saying yes. Therapists also know that all one needs to get approval for a surgical imitation of a female vagina is a generic psychiatric/psychological evaluation where the patient doesn’t even have to disclose their reason for wanting it.

It was only after I began to chronicle here what the militant pro-trans movement called my “publically messy detransition” that I found out I had an intersex chromosome pattern.  After living 20 years as post op MTF I found I was never just a deluded man in a dress at all, but someone with a legitimate excuse for gender dysphoria as an xyxo chromosomal intersex person. The transsexual movement’s claim is that you can’t be a so-called true transsexual unless you are a fully masculinized XY chromosomal male who can present no biological evidence for your mental disorder of feeling like a woman trapped in a man’s body.  For the trannies it’s all about the imagined gender between your ears. All the while transsexuals are living in a constant state of angst hoping and praying for some biological evidence to one day emerge that will vindicate them and remove the stain of being diagnosed mentally ill with Gender Identity Disorder as listed in the Diagnostic  and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). On the other hand, if you remove the diagnosis of mental illness then insurance won’t pay for certain gender affirming services, including hormones and surgery.

Having an intersex chromosome pattern may actually give me some legitimate biological evidence for being at odds with my birth sex unlike the average transsexual who wishes there was some evidence of their condition besides their imagination. When I discovered my intersex status it was a shock to my system that gave me pause.  I had to question if having a legit excuse for my gender confusion was enough reason to continue living as a woman who was not a woman at all. Being a transsexual that passes completely only adds to the heartache of knowing you really are not a woman and never will be. I wanted the normal and traditional human life experience of having a husband and being a mother to children. Throughout my entire transsexual journey I completely fit the medical definition for a “true transsexual” and my experiences matched up with the other real looking “girls” I knew. In the end, my newly found intersex status wasn’t going to change the dissatisfying experiences of the last 20 years. I knew I’d been deceived by a fraudulent medical community providing gender affirming therapies based on the pseudo science of the experiences of transsexuals.

The transsexual militants say I’m angry at myself for making such a terrible mistake in life. Nothing could be further from the truth, but this is part of their smoke and mirrors approach to try to delegitimize and shut down a voice they do not want being a wrecking ball to their movement.  I have never said I made a mistake. My decision to go through all I did to try to switch my sex from male to female was absolutely and without a doubt the right decision at the time based on the information, counseling, and medical advice I received during 7 years of participating in the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care. It was the ill-informed trans-supportive physicians who made the mistake.  I regret the poor medical care I received and I regret that I made a poor decision based on poor advice. I’m angry at the unethical physicians, not myself. I was gleeful for someone to medically legitimize my feelings and give me the okay to put on makeup and feminine attire. That type of positive support was pure euphoria after so many years of my effeminate behavior being the reason my peers and family bullied me. The mission then becomes to hormonally and surgically perfect yourself so well that all who see you will admit that nature had to have made a mistake and that you should have been born female! It’s a sad state of affairs.

Regrets? Mistakes?  Should we have real regrets for any perceived mistakes if reincarnation is real and all things happen for a reason? Where do I begin to talk about regrets or what one should feel about reincarnation if they could have lived an entirely different life, normal by human reproductive standards? If only I could go back in time with more wisdom like you will have after reading my page? What if I could go back to a day when I could have clearly seen my way to rejecting the stupid notion of transsexuality and instead found me a good little woman and had kids living happily ever after. The romance with transsexualism has not been a happily ever after affair.

Before reading the rest of this article may I suggest you listen to a video on Youtube ( ) of a speech given by Dr. Quentin Van Meter who was part of the support team at John Hopkins Hospital in the U.S.A. where the whole transsexual epidemic started and later spread to the rest of the world through the Internet.  Dr. Van Meter had a change of heart based on his own work with transsexuals and real peer reviewed studies an is now falsely labeled an anti-transsexual activist.

Over the past 15 years I have been written to by hundreds of pre and post operative transsexuals around the world that have expressed regrets with transition. The urban myth in the transsexual world is there are only a handful of regretters around the world, but nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, I may be one voice out of a handful that have spoken out publicly, but most “destransitioners” have wanted to return to normal lives and leave their shame behind them. Not every former transsexual is cut out to be what some might call an anti-transsexual activist.

Those who have lived long enough will tell you that no journey worth taking is ever easy, but I’d say I was one of the lucky ones. The finished product of my transition was a person that looked and sounded convincingly female. I was full of hope and happy. I felt I had full integrated into society as if I were a natural born female. What I thought was another notch in my belt, marrying a man I did not reveal my dark transsexual secret to, was a regretful deception that became the first crack in the mirror. The peace and euphoria I’d found in this transsexual process was coming to a end. That right decision of years ago was quickly coming into question as Reality 2.o was about to kick in.

2004 – The last photo taken of me as female.

I am but one of many voices that the militant pro-transsexual movement would like to shut down.  If I were just one voice that might be a different story, but there is a tsunami of many voices speaking out about being lead down a primrose path by a misguided pro-transsexual movement and the greedy, unethical, so-called medical experts that promote their movement. What happened to “Do no harm”? Greed happened, that’s what.

What I hear most from transgenders is that in retrospect they wish they would have been challenged by a therapist to discover the true origins of their mental disorder that caused them to question and eventually reject their birth sex instead of mostly receiving gender identity affirmative therapy. Dr. Kenneth Zucker has had great success helping children and adults to find their way back to embracing their natal sex. All their issues that drove them to reject their birth sex get healed and their neurosis disappear. Over and over again transgenders tell me things like they felt they had a lack of male energy and male bonding in their formative years due to uninvolved, weak, absent, or nonexistent fathers, living in an all feminine world as mother’s little helper or grandma’s little helper. Many talk of mothers who constantly exhibited a hatred of males for one reason or another.  These are but a few of the common themes transgenders speak about to me.

Being more than 30 years post-op I can  look back on my life events of the past half a century with a lot more clarity than I did when I was reacting to those events. I’m no longer the ignorant impressionable kid that is embarrassed when I’m told I’d make a better girl than a boy because I’m so good at helping out in the kitchen. I’m no longer the 12-year-old pubescent boy with gynecomastia being asked why I have boobs.  I’m no longer a 19-year-old who has just gotten my first cross-sex  hormone shot and feels like I know everything there is to know about being a transsexual.

I had nearly 20 years of living as an “invisible” transsexual before I also was no longer one of those. I never wanted to be known as a transsexual and therefore hid my secret, even from my first husband. The biggest catalyst that precipitated  beginning of the end for me was letting go of hiding my transsexual status. Pretending to be female wasn’t working and I thought embracing my transsexual status publically would help me. Forever forsaking hiding in plain sight as a stealth transsexual I took to the Internet in 1998 with a Geocities free webpage to begin a dialog with others in an effort to be an out and proud post-op transsexual role model for others.  However misguided that venture was it got me asking the hard questions about the legitimacy of the whole transsexual phenomenon. More importantly I was now re-examining my own life now through a lense that wasn’t being influenced by a militant pro-trans movement and my own internal drive to reject my birth sex. I had taken off the rose-colored glasses.

The trans movement leads you down a primrose path with positive words and phrases of affirmation like “sex change”. You don’t really get your sex changed. There is no such thing as a sexchange operation!  You can only have your true sex organs elaborately disguised with cosmetic surgery. This is why the trans movement has stealthfully begun using it’s new ridiculous phrase, “Gender Affirmation Surgery”, to describe this cosmetic procedure so they cannot be blamed for selling snake oil to unsuspecting victims. The unethical medical community has followed suit and now advertises Gender Affirmation Services. What happened to the medical oath, “Do no harm”?  Doctors nowadays see it as “Do no harm to my great new lucrative source of income”.

Who in the hell is responsible for a 2-year-old boy even having the vocabulary range to ask his mother the question, “When is the good fairy going to come with her magic wand and change my penis into a vagina?”  The good fairy is fake. Magic wands are fake. A cosmetic surgery vagina is just as fake.  The surgical work of art between my legs is not a vagina. Instead of a paint brush the artist used a knife.  Like a painting hung on a wall each and every viewer could have their own interpretation of what they saw–a vagina, a mutilated penis, or a just a big mess. No straight guy will ever accept a penis disguised as a vagina. Any guy who claims to be straight and goes for a transsexual has more issues than a transsexual. I’ve seen this to be true in my many years of dealing with the “chasers” and tons of my transsexual friends concur. This is why so many transsexuals become sex workers to exploit those men who have a sexual attraction to women who have a penis between their legs.

My transsexual journey was supposed to give me peace, but I realized I had only traded one hell for another. No real healing had been done.  I didn’t become a woman. My gender identity disorder had just morphed from woman trapped in a man’s body to woman trapped in a transsexual woman’s body. This was where the dissatisfaction began that inspired a deeper look at the man behind the curtain. Moral of the story– don’t go down this path unless you are fully prepared to accept you will only ever be viewed by others as an alternative lifestyle male to female transsexual, a circus side show freak, an oddity, a curiosity, an intriguing individual, or perhaps worse!  For this reason the majority of transsexuals contemplate suicide. Who can ever know the true percentage of transsexuals that attempt suicide or are successful at ending their own lives? Some say it is 40% and that number is totally unacceptable when there is an alternative that is life affirming.  Many feel there is no way out, but I am living proof that if you are unhappy as a transsexual you can reverse all the crap you did to yourself and start a new chapter. Again though, if you are happy living the life of an imaginary woman and find fulfillment in that then by all means continue! Just do your own thing though and don’t try to influence anyone else’s thinking in such a situation. It’s a terrible thing to feel the guilt of having blood on your hands for leading someone else down a bad path.

In psychology we deal with people having adjustment disorders. Transsexualism is just another adjustment disorder where the overtly feminine or gay male has a very difficult time processing how others react to his overtly feminine personality. This can include how the feminine boy’s father may withdraw from him and discontinue the bonding process that leads to the development of a secure masculine personality and behavior. If you want you can recover from transsexualism. However, if you are happy and have adjusted well to living proudly as a transsexual that’s okay too! Being a woman trapped in a gay man’s body is also okay. Not all women trapped in men’s bodies make the decision to become transsexuals and that is just fine. While we have compassion for the mentally ill we also try to lead them away from continuing to be ill. That is the true nature of love and compassion. We look out for our fellow humans so they don’t fuck their lives up.

At age 17 I began seeing a psychotherapist because I was having a hard time understanding my own journey as an obvious effeminate male.  I saw a succession of therapists before I eventually took the plunge. I was 24 years old when in 1988 I had penile inversion technique surgery by Dr. Michael Seghers of Brussels, Belgium (retired).  I considered my penis sexually useless until Dr. Seghers skillfully remodeled it to look and function similar to a female vagina.  Note that I am specific that the cosmetic surgery didn’t create a vagina, but only remodeled my penis to look and function like a female vagina.  No magic fairy dust was sprinkled that turns the penis into a real vagina.  Unlike a real female vagina, my remodeled penis still ejaculates from the urethra just like any normal man’s penis does.  Women do not ejaculate from their urethra.

After that brief introduction, now is probably a good time to tell you more about myself and what motivates me. A simple Internet search on me or this website will reveal tons of chat room conversations and other websites full of ridiculous lies about me from people writing about me who don’t even know me. I found one site where they say I’m a Canadian. I have never lived in Canada, nor am I a Canadian citizen, but their story on me goes on and on complaining how I cost the Canadian tax payers hundreds of thousands of dollars in surgery fees. Transsexual activists go off the rails trying every way they can to delegitimize my testimony and my recommendations on how to treat those who want to live in opposition to their birth sex. Why the fake news?  Why not just get my story from me? I even have a couple documentaries out there I did about my life. Trannsexuals will lie and use every trick to try to delegitimize myself or anyone who challenges their mental disorder instead of affirming it.

What I want people to take away about Josef Kirchner is that I have nothing but compassion for people who are suffering from Gender Identity Disorder (GID).  I’ve been there, done that, and I’m writing the book on healing from gender confusion!  Some feel it is contradictory of me to say I am compassionate and supportive of the GID person while also trying to convince them they are suffering from a curable mental disorder. Such is the job of the psychotherapist! Certainly, I am not alone as someone who had to endure this journey before I realized what errors were made along the way.  Hindsight is always 20/20.  All of us were subject to those who influenced us along the way whether it was fathers, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, medical professionals, or other misguided transsexuals. I am a person who tries not to in have regrets about anything because I believe everything happens for a reason.  What some want to call regrets are only great gifts of opportunity the universe offers us to create wisdom.

I’m not quite the motivated town crier I used to be about this subject and there are so many other people trying to get transsexuals the right help they need.  I’ll be adding to this website as the Universe gives me the nudge. Feel feel to reach out whether you want to send hate mail or love mail at the email address above.